Is it Right to Expect Too Much From Your Children?
Written on August 22, 2009 – 8:15 pm | by admin
Doting parents can pour out so much of their love to their children. They do everything to make them grow healthy and get the proper education. The hands on parents are even more meticulous as they always keep track of their kids' development to the point of worrying if their children don't live up to their expectations. A little lag in the development of their kids can make them go to the doctor or school teacher and consult whether it's normal or not.
But is it right to have high expectations for your children? Research has shown that parents have the habit of expecting their kids to do things they're not yet capable of doing and judge them right away. Some can even go to the extent of punishing their children if they don't live up to what their parents want them to do and accomplish.
Family counselors point to age targeting as a major problem in this situation. But parents should be aware that not all children have the same level of growth and development. Some are fast learners while the others lag behind. Delayed development should not cause parents to blame themselves especially if they've been looking after their child since birth. They should just keep an eye on the progress and keep teaching their children the proper values.
Personal experience also has a lot to do with this kind of attitude. Parents tend to compare their first child to the younger ones or compare their kids with the others in school or neighborhood. The childhood achievements of a mother or father can also become a source of comparison. Parents who have accomplished a lot in their lives have a tendency to expect too much from their children. This high expectation not only concerns education but even extra- curricular activities such as sports and musical performances including other art related activities.
But family counselors confirm that this behavior of parents have a negative effect on their children. This can cause pressure on them to achieve more or it can cause them to rebel against their mom and dad. Additionally, they can bear this pressure even through their teenage years or beyond. In worse cases, this high expectation can lead to serious psychological problems going forward.
Family counseling can help parents sort this problem with their children. This session can make moms and dads aware of what they should do and what not to do. Family counseling can teach them to be objective rather than subjective towards their children and not push them beyond their limits which can really be stressful. It's appropriate to support children according to their capabilities and avoid comparing them with the achievers.
Sometimes parents punish their kids who get low grades but what they're missing is the encouragement the child needs to be able to perform well in school. Patience and understanding are important in establishing a strong parent-child relationship and in making children become better persons.
Never ignore the benefits family counseling can give you and your kids if you think your problems are beyond your control. The counselors can provide you the professional advice on how to best raise your children.
For information on family counseling, please visit The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory, one of the top directories for therapists in the US and Canada.
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